My thoughts on the Politicization of Motherhood
Over 7 years since I first entered the public conversation on motherhood, what has changed?
In 2017, my book, Being There: Why Prioritizing Motherhood in the First Three Years Matters, launched many fruitful conversations.
Among them, the positive discussions and genuine deep dives on mothering instincts, maternity leave, and the role of childcare were some bad-faith arguments over embracing motherhood and its sacrifices as regressive and not conducive to modern society.
For each mother who said the book helped them to feel seen and enabled them to justify their decisions or give them the tools they needed as they embarked on early motherhood, there was a mother (and many non-mothers) who was quick to lash out at the book (and me personally) for triggering their mom-guilt and disparage my credentials. My book was characterized as a shaming mechanism for working mothers in Slate by someone who probably didn’t even read it, as many of the social and policy alternatives to stay-at-home moms they mentioned (such as maternity leave and work flexibility policy) and other detractions they had were mentioned and discussed in Being There too. I attempted to publish op-eds in more liberal publications, but they were shelved or rejected, and interviews with some liberal news organizations were tense and combative.
The best encapsulation of the media’s mood toward my book was my first significant TV interview for Good Morning America on ABC, during which the interviewer, seconds before we went live, told me point blank that she didn’t like or believe in my book.
On the other hand, international, Christian, and conservative media thrived on my message. Though some were quick to attempt to use my message as a political bludgeoning stick, I was always sure to ensure nuance stayed in the conversation. Fox & Friends invited me to contribute to mental health and cultural issues; my local Fox 5 affiliate did as well, and the Wall Street Journal took a series of my op-eds. My coverage was always non-political and fact-based.
This imbalance was the crux of a WSJ Opinion interview with James Taranto, in which I told these stories and expressed my frustration at the liberal media's refusal to accept evidence-based positions on how we can best support the next generation in favor of what was convenient and that the “lean in” movement may have been great for companies and our pockets but bad for the long-term mental health of our society.
Over seven years on, what has changed? I’ve been lucky enough to write for the op-ed section of the WSJ, and work with independent, non-partisan organizations such as the Institute for Family Studies and the Alliance for Responsible Citizenship (ARC) to continue to get my message out there. I’ve been on numerous podcasts and spread the message wherever they would have me that “Motherhood Matters.” What about the left? They still haven’t learned the critical message that encouraging women to do it all, all at the same time, is making mothers break down and resulting in children being outsourced to institutional daycare, which is harming children’s mental health.
The science is transparent and nonpartisan. Our fast-paced, do-everything culture impedes the quality we all desire. We’ve let babies “cry it out,” enter institutionalized childcare before they are ready, and all but accused babies of trying to extort us of attention. Women are now hostile to the idea of motherhood or see it as something they can outsource. This has had dire consequences for the mental health of the next generation. This issue should not be politicized but genuinely addressed.
I look forward to a time when the mental health of children and mothers is not a political issue but rather a human issue, a relational issue, and an issue of putting children’s needs front and center in an attempt to turn around a mental health crisis in children and adolescents. I hope we can all do that together, regardless of who is in the White House.
Your book completely changed my career path when I read it during my pregnancy. It was a hard message to hear as a woman with a large career, but you confirmed many of the instincts I had about motherhood. Your book also helped me understand why I felt so viscerally repulsed by the idea of putting my child into institutional care. We just made it to three years old last month and I'm starting to lean in a little more at work, but I'll never regret spending the first three years of my son's life 90% focused on him.
Thank you for this post. My experience presenting our empirical and theoretical research on our species' evolved nest to Global North audiences resonates with yours. (Global South people nod their heads when they hear about the science supporting their nurturing of babies with presence, breastfeeding, in-arms care, multiple nurturers, etc..) Professional women of high income nations in particular seem not to want to hear that nurturing babies matters that much, even though the evidence is substantive. But then, mothers feel put on the spot to do what they are unable to do in family-unfriendly USA. Still, everyone needs to know that our species evolved to raise children cooperatively, not in isolation with mother or mother and father. See our little films, essays, podcasts, videos at nonprofit, https://EvolvedNest.org.